National Loving Day is a holiday that is centered around celebrating love in all of its forms. And, it actually has an interesting history.
Loving Day gets its origins from Mildred and Richard Loving. The Lovings were arrested in 1958 – for the simple fact that they were an interracial couple. Their resultant court case made it all the way to the U.S Supreme Court and was not overturned until June 12th,1967.
Theirs is a story of perseverance and enduring love in the face of hardship; which, believe it or not, could actually teach you a valuable message during your divorce.
Why you don’t have to hate your ex.
There are hundreds (if not thousands) of movies about break-ups and divorces – all of which feature close-up shots of arguments, tears, and ex-spouses talking about how much they hate each other. This means that many people believe that all breakups have to end in hatred.
While this can be true for some relationships in our lives – especially when there are a lot of emotions involved, it doesn’t have to be the case during a divorce. In fact, it is possible to end your relationship on amicable terms, safe in the knowledge that you are doing what is right not only for yourself but your partner too.
If you’ve been arguing a lot lately, this might seem impossible, but finding common middle ground can come with many benefits. For example:
- It means you can keep your divorce out of court, resulting in lower legal fees.
- The division of assets will be much more straightforward, as you will not feel the need to “go after” your spouse during the divorce.
- You’ll be able to maintain a positive relationship for your children, making co-parenting and shared custody arrangements much easier.
How can I stay friends with my ex?
- Don’t play the blame game. It’s normal to deal with residual feelings of guilt or anger during the divorce process. However, playing the ‘blame game’ and pinning everything on your spouse will not make you feel any better. It’s not a healthy way to process your emotions, as you’re simply putting off dealing with them.
- Find closure. Finding closure is essential in moving forward. When you allow things to end on a sour note, this closure is harder to reach as you’ll always feel as though you have questions that went unanswered. Take some time to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation about your relationship. While this may be difficult, it will help both of you move forward and can trigger the healing process.
- Give yourself some space. Being on good terms with your ex doesn’t mean you have to jump right into being BFFs. In fact, it’s often better to give yourselves some time apart before you try to work on your relationship. This will give you both the chance to process your emotions and heal, allowing you to start on a clean slate. During this time, be sure that you take care of yourself and focus on YOU.
- Opt for a peaceful divorce. People are increasingly choosing no-fault or amicable divorces. This is likely due to the fact that these alternative divorce methods help divorcees to separate on good terms without adding the unnecessary stress of court appearances. At Divorce With Dignity, we specialize in helping couples navigate their way through this change with dignity and ease. This can go a long way towards helping you part on good terms.
Remember, while your ex and yourself may have gone through an incredibly difficult time, there are different ways in which your love for each other can show in the future. It can manifest in how you reach out to support them, or in how you co-parent your family.
