Divorce After 50

I recently ran across some surprising news – while divorce is declining in general (from a spike in the 1980s), the divorce rate for people over the age of 50 has more than doubled in the past two decades. In 1990, about 10% of all divorces were by people over 50. In 2009, divorce statistics show that number had risen to about 25% of all divorces.

So what’s going on with the 50+ demographic? What’s behind this rise in their divorce rate?

Surprisingly, it’s not usually about extramarital affairs. It seems to have more to do with changes brought on by the stage of life and changes in society.

The Empty Nest
A lot of marriages are held together because of the kids. Once the children leave home, some couples come to the stark realization that they no longer have much else in common. Their values and interests  have changed and gone different ways, and they may find they have been living increasingly different lives. They look at each other and say to themselves, “I still may have many more years to live – do I really want to spend them with this person?”

Retirement Realities
Most people look forward to when they can retire and enjoy “the good life”, but many couples are unprepared for the realities of spending more time around each other. They might have very different expectations about what life after retirement will be like. For example, the husband might assume his wife will become more involved in activities he enjoys, or the wife might expect her husband to pitch in more around the house. If those expectations are not in alignment, it can result in feelings of disappointment and resentment, which can in turn lead to estrangement.

Longevity
People are living longer these days. Whereas an older couple in an unhappy marriage a half century ago may have decided to stay together because they didn’t see themselves living much longer anyway, people ages 50 to 65 nowadays can usually expect many more active years ahead of them. And they want those years to be happy and fulfilling, not stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Differences in Societal Attitudes Toward Marriage and Divorce
Sociologists tell us that baby boomers entered into marriage with expectations that were very different from those of previous generations. At one time marriage was seen principally as an economic union, and later as an “institution” of society with strict predefined husband/wife roles. But in the 1970s, people started looking at marriage as a means of personal fulfillment and happiness. So when those needs are no longer being met, boomers are deciding to divorce instead of staying in a marriage that no longer works well for them.

People who divorce after the age of 50 may not have some of the worries younger divorcing couples do   such as child custody and support for minor children. But they often have to deal with other worries that accompany their stage in life. Fears about who will care for them if they get seriously ill, or anxiety about being lonely after sharing a life and a home with someone else for so many years are common feelings. There are a variety of ways to cope with these and other distressing feelings brought on by divorce, and to find ways to move on and reinvent your life. For example, you could join a divorce support group, see a therapist, or work with a divorce coach.

The members of the Divorce With Dignity network have referrals for these groups and support professionals that we provide to our clients as part of our divorce facilitation and planning service. Our approach is to help you through your divorce comprehensively, not just by preparing and filing the legal paperwork, but by putting you in touch with the resources you need to move forward in your new life. Would you like to learn more? Contact a Divorce With Dignity specialist near you today.