I know you’re feeling just terrible heading into the holidays knowing that you’re going to be getting a divorce sooner or later. What do you do knowing this? Is it better to just start the process now, or wait until after the holidays? These are tough questions that require some soul searching on your part, as only you can answer based on your own situation.
Of course if you have children this is an extremely tough decision and you have to assess what it will do to your children? Will it give them peace of mind, or will it bring them much sorrow and sadness; could be both. I would say that if you are currently functioning as a family and there’s no domestic violence going on, then you might want to wait and start the process after the holidays once you have a chance to talk to your children and explain the situation. Of course, if there’s domestic violence or other forms of anger and harassment, then everyone will be better off once the process is started.
John and Betty Smith knew they were going to get a divorce because they were headed in totally opposite directions in their lives and had really grown apart. They made this difficult decision in November after being in counseling for many months. However, their two children, Brad and Jennie, were not openly aware of their parent’s unhappiness, and now the holidays were almost here. So John and Betty decided to just hold off and wait until January to start the process. They each made a commitment to do their best to maintain their dignity and respect for each other and the children, and work together to make this a nice holiday for Brad and Jennie. They also decided to really downplay the presents and focus on exposing their children to the arts and festive spirit of the holidays through their schools and church. Brad and Jennie would, of course, get Christmas gifts, but they did not want to overdo the gift giving to compensate for what the future would reveal.
It was very difficult joining with the other family members to celebrate the holidays as John and Betty decided to keep their divorce private and not mention it to their other family members until later. So they did their best to participate in the family gatherings and provide Brad and Jennie a nice family holiday.
As hard as this was, it laid the groundwork for John and Betty to work together in January and start the process toward an amicable divorce. It helped give them communication tools to work with each other in a peaceful way.
Now what should you do? Can you follow the path of the Smith’s or are you so unhappy that the only relief you can see would be to start the process NOW? If you need to start now, you won’t be alone—other people do begin their divorces during December, and you may find that this was just the relief you needed. Of course, it will be a different, probably not one of your best , holidays, but you will then be able to start the new year and your NEW BEGNNING. So do what brings you peace of mind; isn’t that what the holidays are all about?
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
