Since Father’s Day is just around the corner (Sunday, June 20th!), we wanted to take the opportunity to gratefully acknowledge the fathers, dads, pas, and papas (for those who celebrate this day), along with the guardians, co-parents, and caretakers of these blossoming humans. We also wanted to take a little look back on the origin of Father’s Day along with where we are now — over 100 years later.
Basically, Father’s Day was inaugurated in the United States in the early 20th century to complement Mother’s Day in celebrating fathers, fathering, and fatherhood.1
Father’s Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd, who was born in Arkansas. Its first celebration was in the Spokane YMCA on June 19, 1910. Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, was a single parent who raised his six children there. After hearing a sermon about Anna Jarvis’s Mother’s Day at Central Methodist Episcopal Church in 1909, she told her pastor that fathers should have a similar holiday honoring them. Although she initially suggested June 5, her father’s birthday, the pastors of the Spokane Ministerial Alliance did not have enough time to prepare their sermons, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June.1
On that first Father’s Day in 1910 … red and white roses were passed out in honor of living and deceased fathers … and It wasn’t until 1972, six years before Sonora’s death at the age of 96, that President Richard Nixon finally signed a Congressional resolution declaring the third Sunday in June to be Father’s Day.2
More than 100 years later, we’re still taking the time on this day to stop and thank or just think of / remember our fathers — whether they’re living or passed, present or absent. For some, this day evokes memories that are many and bring joy, while for others, they’re sparse and bring sadness. For a growing number, this can be an especially painful or exclusive holiday for those who never /barely knew or ever had a father in the traditional sense.
As the “look” of families has expanded greatly since that first observed Father’s Day in Spokane, so has the role or presence of a father changed. For example, “LGBTQ couples may choose to celebrate one, both, or neither parent on Father’s Day. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Transgender parents may not celebrate according to traditional gender norms.”3
So, with that, we’re going to take a broader perspective on the importance of putting the children in your life first — whatever your role.
For busy adults (dealing with and distracted by so much in these times), it can be difficult to be actively involved in the lives of the children — even in the best of circumstances (and we absolutely acknowledge that there are many circumstances where adults just can NOT be actively involved). And, for the married folks, a divorce can really exacerbate this already competitive and challenging situation. When your world is falling apart, it’s not often easy to maintain the role of a positive and involved role model. So, we wanted to share the ways that many divorcing and divorced parents /guardians /caretakers are remaining actively involved, positive role models in the child(ren)’s lives — despite the upheaval (both emotional and physical) divorce can often cause.
- Put the children first, even when your marriage is falling or apart or has ended.
- Recognize and acknowledge your ex’s strengths, instead of criticizing or belittling them in front of the kids.
- Keep a unified front with your ex and prioritize creating an amicable co-parenting relationship.
- Call upon your resources, if you need them – whether family counseling, support groups, individual therapy — whatever it takes.
Choosing to put the kids first, to maintain a positive and unified front, and get any needed help is to set up the children for the best possible outcome in life. These children know they are cared about and for — because their needs are being put first. They will carry this with them for the rest of their lives — the feeling of being valued, safe, and important.
We, the adults, are creating and molding our society’s future and should strive to lead by example for these children. And, for anyone caring for a child (whatever your role), choosing to consciously cultivate deep connections with the children in your life has huge and lasting impacts.
Children notice and feel everything — even if they don’t give voice to it — and they tend to remember important aspects of their childhoods like:
- how they were loved, cherished, and cared for;
- how they were made to feel safe and reassured;
- the relationship dynamics between the adults in their life;
- how the adults treat others;
- how adults treat their spouse — and ex spouse(s);
- how the adults handle conflict; and
- if there was an established relationship that does not work out, a child will remember how the marriage ended; it will become part of their life story.
Making the choice to establish a peaceful and positive environment from the start can be extremely beneficial to the children and the entire family.
So, on the day (and every day), we celebrate fathers, dads, pas, and papas and all of the guardians, co-parents, and caretakers who put the children in their lives first!
Happy Father’s Day!
Divorce With Dignity helps clients move forward in a positive way. We help ease the difficult burden of preparing and filing divorce papers. We also offer holistic divorce support; we can recommend trusted and experienced family attorneys, therapists and mediators to ensure that our clients have the best resources possible to establish an amicable co-parenting relationship. Issues like conflict resolution, alimony, custody and child support can be addressed within a peaceful and collaborative environment.
For more information on how we can help, please get in touch with a Divorce With Dignity professional near you to schedule a complimentary consultation.
2 https://www.history.com/news/man-who-inspired-fathers-day-civil-war-vet-single-dad
3 https://optionb.org/articles/honor-fathers-day-in-a-way-that-includes-all-lgbtq-families
The author of this blog is not an attorney or financial advisor and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal or financial advice. Please do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney or financial advisor if you have any legal or financial questions. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns about the content of this post, we’d love to hear from you. Please send us a message at info@dwdignity.com.
