Wow, it’s really a tough decision to decide whether or not to divorce and it might take a long time to make this decision. First of all, I would discuss your feelings with your spouse, and start to find answers to the following questions:
- How long have you had these feelings?
- Have they been accumulating or were they triggered by a recent event?
- Why are you even having these thoughts?
- What does your spouse think about all this?
- What do you really want to do? Do you know?
Try to sort through your feelings as much as you can because ultimately you are the only person who can make this decision. Of course, a lot rests on your partner and how he or she feels, but you can only be responsible for yourself, so what do you truly want? Don’t worry about what others (family, neighbors, friends) will think—we cannot live for these other people; we can only live for ourselves. And lots of times, there are no real intellectual answers for our questions, but much more deeper answers regarding what we’re really feeling.
No one wants to start or get a divorce, but some of us can no longer live under the same rules and conditions that we’ve been existing under. Sometimes a divorce is the only way we can truly find ourselves again and regain our life so that we are living a life of purpose, joy and fulfillment.
Maybe you will decide to stay married and that is wonderful as long as you have determined what caused your feelings to even think about divorce and taken action to heal whatever was going on to cause such negative feelings. Just thinking about divorce does not mean that you are bad or that you have to divorce. All it means is that something is happening that needs to change so you can both reclaim your love for each other and live fulfilling lives.
However, if you think that the situation is beyond healing or repair, try to first get professional help before making your final decision. There are various resources to help you figure out what to do, such as couples counseling, coaching, individual counseling for yourself and perhaps both of you, spending more time with each other, communicating better, etc.
So you’re not a bad person to have these thoughts—you’re human. And just having the thoughts doesn’t mean that you will end up in divorce. It means you’re ready to open up your heart and communicate your feelings and see if you can heal and fall back in love with yourself and your spouse. It means you’re not suffocating or suppressing what’s really going on. It means that you value yourself enough to want to live a life full of love and happiness and that you’re willing to start taking the steps to find the answers to whatever is happening to you right now.
Please comment if you’ve thought of divorce and been able to pull your marriage back together and it’s now better than it was before you took action.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
