Going through a divorce is always difficult, and when children are involved, it’s doubly so. In other blog postings we’ve talked about building your divorce support team. Grandparents can play an extremely important role on the support team – for both you and your children.
For kids, finding out that their parents are divorcing and their family is breaking up is devastating. Their world is turned upside down, and they worry about so many things. Life at home is changing and unstable. How can grandparents ease their anxiety and help them through this?
They can assure the children that they are loved and still belong to a family.
They can provide stability. While life in the children’s home may be disrupted, it’s important that they feel life at grandma and grandpa’s house is the same as it ever was. Grandparents can help by maintaining routines around mealtimes, storytime, help with homework, etc. Spending time with the kids doing fun things together can help to relieve the stress they are feeling. Baking cookies together, going for a walk in the park, gardening, or going on a camping trip are some ways to help the children focus on good times instead of worrying about what’s going on with their parents.
It’s important, too, for the grandparents’ home to be a “neutral zone”. It should not be a place where anyone has to “take sides”. Parents need to realize that it is not the role of the grandparents to elicit information from the children about the other spouse, or to make comments about him/her to the children. Remember that the children still love both their mom and dad, and grandparents should take care to avoid being negative about either parent. The focus for the grandparents should be on nurturing their relationship with their grandchildren.
How can you, as a parent, foster this relationship during and after the divorce? By not letting whatever negative emotions you may be feeling toward your spouse/ex spill over onto other members of his/her family. One of the greatest fears grandparents have in a divorce situation is losing contact with their grandchildren, especially if custody is predominantly with the parent who is not their child. Do everything you can to assure them that you will continue to give them access to their grandchildren. Keep the lines of communication open, and invite them to your children’s school functions, concerts, sports games, and graduations. Let them know that regardless of the divorce, you want them to be involved with their grandchildren.
By doing all you can to keep the connection between your children and their grandparents intact, you will be giving a great gift to the entire family. The grandparents can provide a safe haven for your children through this difficult time, lessening the burden and stress on them. This in turn will lessen the burden and stress on you, too.
Divorce With Dignity is a national network of divorce support professionals who provide divorce planning and facilitation services. We take a holistic approach to helping people get through the divorce process, which includes encouraging them to build a divorce support “team”. Depending on the divorcing couple’s situation and particular needs, this team could include professionals in the financial, counseling, and/or legal fields (for which we can provide quality referrals), as well as friends and family members. Grandparents can play a significant role as part of this team by providing loving support and a stabilizing influence on their grandchildren, which ultimately also supports the divorcing couple. Would you like to know more about our holistic, integrated, and comprehensive approach to divorce? Visit our website (www.dwdignity.com), and then contact a Divorce With Dignity affiliate near you (www.findaprovider.dwdignity.com). Let us show you how we can help you achieve a peaceful and cost-effective divorce with the support you need.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions
