Despite what some may think (or claim), no marriage is perfect. But many couples are able to tolerate the imperfections and deal with their differences with flexibility and compromise, because they have a solid positive connection with each other. If that connectedness starts to disintegrate, the marriage is in trouble and steps should be taken to prevent its dissolution. While my Divorce With Dignity business is about helping people to achieve cost-effective divorce with careful planning and peaceful resolution, I also encourage anyone thinking about divorce to try everything possible to save the marriage before resorting to divorce proceedings.
If you are wondering if your marriage might be headed for divorce, there are some signs to watch out for, and if seen, pay attention to. Here’s a list of eight signs that indicate you could be headed for divorce.
- Feeling like the bad outweighs the good
I know there are lots of reasons people stay in bad marriages. Usually it has to do with fear of what will happen if they leave. Still, there comes a tipping point when the bad stuff totally outweighs the good, and that might be enough to push someone out the door.
- Lack of communication and trust
When you were first married, you probably enjoyed conversations with your spouse about all sorts of things. If you find that your current conversations are limited to household matters, or that you prefer to keep your feelings to yourself about problems or even about things you enjoy because you expect a negative reaction, then communication has definitely broken down. Lack of trust in each other may be partly to blame. In any case, lack of meaningful communication in a marriage contributes to weakening the bond between spouses.
- Defensiveness
If you find that one or both of you are quick to become defensive when no criticism was intended, it might be time to talk things out and find out what buttons are being pushed, and how there can be more clarity in future conversations to avoid this reaction. If you are unable to do this, conflicts may increase.
- Only one of you is trying to work things out
When one spouse keeps trying to discuss marital problems and the other refuses to talk about them or go to counseling, that person is probably not interested in solving the problems and saving the marriage.
- Dreaming about what life would be like without your spouse
Sometimes during periods of conflict, you may fantasize about a better life without your spouse. This is a common experience. But if you find yourself thinking about it more and more often, it’s clear that you are feeling stuck in a bad situation.
- Lack of sexual intimacy
Sexual intimacy strengthens emotional connectedness between spouses. When that physical bonding is absent, or the needs are imbalanced, affection can wither away and the closeness between the partners becomes threatened.
- Emotionally disengaged
When lack of communication and lack of intimacy exist in a marriage, the partners become more and more emotionally disengaged from each other. They may say they have “fallen out of love” with each other. If partners lose interest in participating in the emotional well-being of each other, there isn’t much left to the marriage.
- Becoming like mere acquaintances with separate lives
As marriage partners become more distant from each other, there’s a tendency to focus more on things outside the marriage. More attention could be directed into sporting activities or hobbies, or a career could take the front seat as one spouse starts working late most nights, possibly to avoid being home with the other spouse. The couple rarely spends time together and their day-to-day lives become separate and apart.
If you notice any of these signs in your marriage, it’s time to have a serious and honest talk with your spouse, and perhaps consider marriage counseling before things are too far gone.
If things have already gone too far and the counseling didn’t work out, then we are here to help you make plans for an amicable separation and provide you with support through the divorce process. We wish divorces didn’t have to happen. But the reality is, sometimes it is for the best. Let us help you get through your divorce with peace and dignity. Please visit our Divorce With Dignity website to learn more.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions
