If you are asking yourself this question, the first thing I want to tell you is to not rush into divorce. Divorce is a very serious step with serious consequences. Please take the time to really evaluate your feelings and the state of your marriage. Make sure you do everything possible to save your marriage if there is any chance it can improve and become a healthy relationship. If you haven’t tried marriage counseling yet, please consider it. Although I am the founder of Divorce With Dignity, our goal is not to advocate divorce; rather, we are here to help those who decide divorce is the best option for them to achieve that in the most peaceful and dignified way.
Some of the questions you may want to contemplate when trying to decide if you should get a divorce are:
1. Was it ever a true marriage?
Sometimes people who marry never actually form a true “us” relationship. They continue to think and behave as two individuals intent on meeting their own needs. For a marriage to be a real union, the couple must see themselves as a duo who have committed to work together in the best interest of the relationship.
2. Do you still have feelings of love toward each other?
If so, then you really should take steps to work on your relationship. You don’t want to rush into divorce and come to regret it when you realize you made a mistake. If, on the other hand, there is a lack of emotional closeness in your marriage and you are able to say in your heart that you no longer love your spouse, maybe it’s time to part ways.
3. Have you thought about the negative consequences of divorce?
Divorce will create changes in your lifestyle, social life, and financial situation. If you have children, they will have emotional reactions to the divorce and their lives will change. There will likely be times of loneliness and insecurity for you, and perhaps changes to your self-esteem. And you have to be able to emotionally let go of your ex-partner. Are you ready for these changes?
4. What have you and your spouse done to try to save the marriage?
Have you been to counseling, together and/or individually, with no improvement to your relationship? Does your spouse refuse to get counseling to try to save the marriage? Have you yourself given up and no longer want to try? If you’ve done all you can and it’s still not working, then maybe it’s time to consider divorce.
5. Does your spouse have addiction issues?
If your spouse has continuing problems with substance abuse, not only will he/she be unable to focus on the marriage, it could be a dangerous situation for you and your children.
6. Has your spouse been abusive to you and/or your children?
Abusive behavior is not caused by other people – it is the sole responsibility of the abuser who will use any excuse to exhibit this type of behavior that is part of their character. Realistically, you should not expect the abuser to change, no matter how much he/she promises it will never happen again. The best choice in this case is to leave and get a divorce.
If after careful consideration you decide that divorce is your best option, we can help you achieve it with the respect and dignity you deserve. We are here to support you through the process of divorce in the most cost-effective and peaceful way possible. Please visit our website to find a Divorce With Dignity facilitator near you.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
