We asked Happiness Coach and Author, PJ Ferguson for some tips on how to make the most of the holidays when coping with divorce. Here are the tips he shared with us:
1. Make the Decision.
Your experience of life is — more often than not — determined by your attitude. I was one of those kids who hated high school. But I got tired of hating school. Just before my Junior year, I decided that — come hell or high water — this was going to be my best year yet. And guess what — it was! Ironically enough, this was the year my parents decided to get divorced AND remarry people who already had kids. Going through a torn up and patchworked family was one of the most painful and tumultuous times of my life, but my decision to have a positive attitude actually sustained me even while coping with divorce.
Having a great holiday season starts with attitude. Make up your mind that you will have an enjoyable time — then stick to that decision.
2. Call a Truce.
My parents’ divorce was not a good one. In fact, it was quite vicious and lasted for years. But they managed to call a truce during important times of the year such as birthdays and holidays. These times made coping with divorce much easier for me and my siblings. My parents probably found it a relief as well. If you are having difficulty seeing eye-to-eye, at least call a “Time Out” for the holiday season. Use a cooperative attitude in dealing with your spouse.
3. Immerse Yoursef in Tradition.
Traditions are an important part of joyful living, especially for the holidays. Traditions give us hope and peace because we remember to focus on the positive things in life. Solid traditions also create fond memories we can carry with us the rest of our lives. Make this season about strong traditions whether for yourself or your children, with friends or other family members. You might also consider starting new traditions to mark a new, positive direction in life.
4. Do Self-Care.
Take some time off to yourself. The holidays can be the busiest time of year for some. So busy, we may forget to stop and focus on what the season is really about, which is peace and goodwill. Schedule some times to rest from your cares or just give yourself room to breathe. Heck, maybe you could even spoil yourself.
5. Pick Your Priorities.
Things will be different if divorce is affecting your life. You may have to let go of your ideas of the picture-perfect holiday. Learn when to let go. Let your priorities be spending special time with special people and creating fond memories with them, even if they are different from what you had imagined.
6. Choose the Amicable Way.
If you’re coping with divorce or even considering divorce, chances are things are already pretty rough. Why make things worse by battling in court or trying to get the upper hand? Sometimes divorce is an unfortunate but necessary step for letting hope and healing back into your life. Amicable divorce is a way to empower yourself in this new phase of life.
