When the stress of preparing for the new school year (and this year’s new and unprecedented schooling demands) hits, following 6-8 weeks of more “quality time” spent together over the summer, a shaky marriage will often see their issues come to a head.
The summer holiday can bring about more conflict around who will manage the mundane home chores and entertain/transport/manage the kids, in between work schedules and much-needed downtime. Of course, this is not the fault of the kids, nor really the fault of the parents — but just a perfect opportunity for latent issues to come to the forefront.
With January being the biggest month for divorce, we see this again, following the winter holidays. When families are in their routines and distracted by school and work, it’s easy to ignore or suppress the marital issues. But, with the added stress of the holidays and break in normal routines, these issues have a way of manifesting, once again.
Sara Davison, “The Divorce Coach,” recommends that parents set some guidelines and communicate what you “as a couple” expect and need from the summer and winter holiday time.
- Be clear about what your expectations are for any time off work you may have. If you feel you need a rest, then discuss how this can work with the children off at the same time.
- Make sure you respect each other’s needs as well as your own
- Be prepared to reach a compromise
- Talk calmly about any niggles as they arise. If you can nip them at the bud you have more chance of preventing arguments
- Plan in some couple time so you don’t forget the romance. Often kids will dominate the holiday time so it’s important to book out some alone time for the two of you. (1)
Though a Parenting Plan is not typically part of an active, happy marriage, perhaps it is something that could keep a marriage running a little more smoothly. Laying out the details as to who will manage what and when can reduce the ongoing negotiations and unvoiced expectations between couples.
If you’re interested in discussing your unique situation and may be considering implementing a Parenting Plan into your marriage, you can speak with a Divorce With Dignity Provider in your area. Consultations are at no cost and can help you to prepare or mitigate potential outcomes from parenting conflicts.
Should you be past that, and are looking at divorce, consider an amicable divorce process, which can save your family the time, frustration, and stress over a traditional litigation process. Our Providers are experienced and understanding and will walk you through every step of the amicable divorce process and make sure that you know exactly what to expect.
On a final, and hopefully, more encouraging note (from Davison):
With 1 in 4 kids seeing their parents divorced by the age of 16, it is becoming a normal part of life. Many kids will have friends in their classes who have been through similar situations — rather than being the exception to the rule.
The stigma around divorce is disappearing as it doesn’t have to be seen as a failure. You may have had a wonderful loving relationship that just came to an end. Maybe it fizzled out or maybe one of you ended it rather suddenly or painfully. However, the truth is that divorce doesn’t have to have a long-lasting, negative effect on your life. Of course, there will be ups and downs and sadly, there is no magic wand to take the pain away. But the reality is many people go on to be happy again and even get married again. It’s not the end, in fact, it can be the start of a new and exciting phase in your life.
(1) https://saradavison.com/why-september-is-boom-time-for-divorce/
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
