A client whom I’ll call John came into our office just before the holidays and he was very distressed and didn’t know what to do. He really felt that he needed to divorce but his wife did not want the divorce and she was very upset about the whole process. Emotions were really flying out of control and he totally hoped that eventually they could work together and divorce amicably.
So after talking to John and going over the process, he decided that he needed to proceed for his own peace of mind, but that he would just start the documents and wait until after the holidays to discuss further with his wife. We started the documents, and then once the holidays were over, he asked his wife to come into our office and get involved with the process. She was very upset when she came in and did not feel safe or want to discuss anything. However, after listening to her and letting her talk for a while, she calmed down and eventually came to the realization that it would do no good to try to stop the process and that if she worked with her husband to try to figure everything out, she would probably be okay and they could obtain a peaceful divorce. In fact, she then became the lead person to let us know of changes and modifications they wanted to their agreement, which he was very happy to have her do, as he was agreeable to almost anything in order to get through the process amicably and move on.
If both parties can feel “safe” in going through their difficult divorce transition, that allows them to discuss the issues and figure out what to do. We always recommend divorce mediation to our clients if they get stuck and cannot agree on certain things, which means they only have to mediate the points they are not in agreement on; not the whole proceeding. So there are many ways to work with couples to help them through this difficult situation. If you are considering divorce, please find a service where you feel safe, where they will treat you both with respect and fairly and help you obtain an amicable divorce. Of course, I would always recommend that you begin with a Divorce with Dignity provider so that you can start the process in a safe environment, save thousands of dollars and retain your dignity and self respect.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
