Halloween is coming up! For most parents, the biggest fear is that the kids will eat too much candy and be too wound up to sleep. For some parents, they’ll be worrying about letting a child go out with the non-custodial parent. For others, it may be time to let their child go off alone with friends for a Halloween party.
Holidays don’t need to be frightening, even when they come with masks and ghosts and haunted houses. Just like mazes at the theme park, there’s a path through the confusion that’s easy to follow and not frightening at all.
Step One: The Map
Some custody and visitation agreements have already determined how holidays get split up: one parent gets even years, and one parent gets odd years. This can work when your child is young or if Halloween is not a major holiday for the family. But what if your child wants to go trick-or-treating with both parents? What happens when an older child wants to try the haunted maze at the amusement park?
The first step in navigating any maze is knowing where you’re heading. Planning ahead for any event is essential for getting safely to and through your destination. Part of a Halloween plan (or any holiday plan) includes considering what everyone wants out of the event. You may know what you want, but there are others involved. Making a map requires input from everyone on the trip.
Mazes are deceptive. They have many openings and side passages that lead nowhere. A journey through a maze needs everyone to cooperate and—most importantly—communicate if the trip is to be a success.
Step Two: The Plan
Most holidays are about family. Halloween is a holiday for children. Even more than most days, kids like dressing up like princesses and superheroes and parading for the approval of family and friends. When parents no longer live together, it puts a strain on children who want their parents to see them.
Parents can negotiate this maze the same way they negotiated their divorce, by remembering this is about the children. Instead of plunging into the darkness and hoping for the best, you can grab a flashlight and a rope and make some plans. This means talking things over with your former spouse.
If your separation was amicable, you might already have thought about how you would handle holidays. Even if you haven’t, now is a good time to start. Communication is the best way to avoid getting lost in a tangle of competing plans and maps. Some ideas for drawing your map:
- Ask your ex what they want to do for the holiday. Offer a range of options. If there will be a Halloween parade, let your ex know the date. Be proactive: If you know you and your ex can’t sit together, volunteer to save seats on the other side of the street, or in another row so your child will see both of you.
- If you and your ex are still friendly, make it a joint event. Agree to go trick-or-treating together, no matter whose night it is with the children. If you can’t or won’t be able to spend that much time together, split the time. Let the other parent take the children to a different event the day before or after the official Halloween festivities.
- Get some help. If things are not good between you and your former spouse, but you want your child to have a happy Halloween, seek some professional guidance. Mediators can give you some tips on how to approach the situation, and even arrange a session to discuss things in a neutral setting.
Having a plan is essential when setting out through a mystifying maze. You and your ex can do things right by talking things over like adults making plans for their child. Once you have a map, you’re ready to take the next steps into the maze with your little goblin.
Step Three: The Journey
No matter what you, your child, and your former spouse decide, you will arrive at the gates of the Halloween maze. If you’ve discussed your plan and made your map, you can navigate the maze with ease. You should not fear the monsters and ghosts that lurk within. You can all enjoy a night, if not as a happy family, at least as two parents seeing their child have a good time.
Other considerations for parents at the Halloween time of year:
- If a parent is taking the kids out for trick-or-treating (or trunk-or-treating), they should give the other parent a courtesy call upon their return home, no matter who’s turn it is for visitation. This assures everyone that all parties got home safely.
- Parents of teenagers should agree on pickup times and locations, no matter who the child is supposed to be with that week. The child should have a safe and reliable contact and pickup if something happens.
- Any disagreements over whether children are “too young” to go to a Halloween party by themselves must be resolved before the date of the party.
- If you will be unavailable for the holiday, be sure your former spouse is aware of it before the holiday. Do not leave your child caught between two adults who both wanted to have their own Halloween bash.
Final Thoughts
Halloween is the start of the holiday season. Many of the suggestions offered here will be useful as the seasons progress. If you and your former spouse and the rest of your family keep them in mind while candy is eaten and pumpkins are carved, you’ll be in better shape as you prepare to stuff turkeys and deck the halls.
If you want some help drawing your Halloween maze map, reach out to a DWD Provider today. Many of our Providers know the difficulties of choosing between a Halloween parade or a night home with the candy bucket. They can help with discussions between you, your former spouse, and a child who wants to be Spider-Man.
The author of this website and its posts is not an attorney, accountant, or licensed therapist and the information contained on this page and its posts should not be considered legal, accounting, or mental health advice. Please do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney, accountant, or licensed mental health professional if you have any questions.
