You can view divorce as a positive life event through various lenses. After all, it is the precursor to a fresh start. However, that’s not to say that the necessity of the divorce makes it less emotional. In fact, almost everyone who has been through this will also tell you feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or regret often surface, alongside the more predictable feelings of anger, betrayal, and sadness.
These feelings present themselves regardless of whether or not you’re certain you want to divorce your partner – it’s simply a natural bodily response to significant change. In fact, many mental health experts and psychologists compare the impact of a divorce to spousal death in terms of the impact this can have on your mental health and wellbeing.
As a result, if you’re questioning whether or not your divorce should be making you feel this way, the answer is probably. However, it’s also important to note that these feelings are temporary. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you will be happy again – maybe even happier than you’ve ever been.
With that in mind, here are some simple steps you can take to lift your spirits during this time.
Opt for a peaceful divorce.
Following a peaceful divorce process encourages you to remain cordial with your spouse, which can save you a lot of heartache and turmoil. This process will also make otherwise complicated tasks, such as the division of assets, much more straightforward. Furthermore, peaceful divorces tend to be much quicker than the average divorce because you may avoid going to court altogether. This means you can begin to move on quicker, too.
Let yourself feel however you need to feel.
One of the biggest mistakes we make when going through a tough time is attempting to bury or disregard feelings instead of processing them. Sometimes, you need to embrace the full extent of your emotions in order to heal and learn from them. As a result, don’t try to hide how you are feeling. Find someone you trust, and open up to them when you need a little extra support (or even just a pep talk). Many of those experiencing a divorce also find it useful to speak to a therapist.
Find healthy outlets, not distractions.
As mentioned above, running from your feelings will not cause them to go away – which means you need to seek healthy outlets for your emotions instead of distractions. For example, many people find working out more consistently during this time to be beneficial. This is because during exercise, “your brain releases the good chemicals, like endorphins, that help relieve pain and stress. Physical activity also stimulates the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, all playing an important part in regulating your mood”. As such, it’s a great way to take care of yourself during a divorce.
Don’t close yourself off.
If you’ve been with your current partner for some time, the thought of entering a new relationship may seem completely alien to you. And while you should not force yourself to move on until you are fully ready to do so, it’s equally important that you do not shut yourself off. Who knows, your next date could be the start of your next great love story! Even more important to remember is that most adults have multiple ‘loves’ in their lives, and 60% of divorcees get married again in the future!
