I recently came across an article on the Huffington Post entitled “10 Signs Your Kid Is Handling Divorce in a Positive Way”, written by Rosalind Sedacca. I thought she made some great points on this important and helpful topic. I’ve summarized a few of these below, but I encourage you to read the orignal post for more information.
Some ways to tell if your kids are handling divorce in a healthy way:
They still smile and are positive about spending time with you.
When children are feeling strong negative emotions they have difficulty hiding those feelings. They may be angry all the time, or may withdraw from you and want to be left alone. Happy kids crave attention from their parents; if they avoid contact with you or don’t respond to your expressions of love, it’s a clear signal that they need help in dealing with the divorce.
They are comfortable talking about experiences with both parents, and feel free to ask questions about the divorce and the changes it brings.
The article states, “Well-adjusted kids are not intimidated or afraid to share stories about time spent with either parent. That’s because their parents keep communication open, don’t compete for their attention and never fill them with guilt or shame about loving their other parent.” It’s important to never bad-mouth the other parent directly to your children or within their hearing. Encourage your children to feel free to talk about their interactions with the other parent, and to ask questions about how the divorce will affect them. Knowing what changes to expect in the future will help reduce their anxiety.
They maintain their performance at school.
Talk with the adults your children interact with at school, such as teachers, aides, and counselors, to find out how they are doing in school. Have their grades dropped, or are they exhibiting aggressive or withdrawn behavior? If so, they may need help in coping with the divorce. Also talk with your children about their experiences at school, and how they are feeling about the changes in their lives.
They talk about the future.
Are your children looking ahead with excitement to events such as birthday parties, holidays, vacations, school field trips, etc.? If so, they are showing that they have a positive mindset about life. If they have lost their enthusiasm for events that they would have been excited about before the divorce, there’s a good chance they are suffering from depression; this needs to be addressed right away.
There are many resources for helping your children adjust to the changes the divorce has brought to their lives, and to learn how to handle them in a healthy way. In addition to our divorce planning and legal document services, Divorce With Dignity facilitators can provide clients with referrals for these resources, such as child therapists and support groups for kids and their parents. We approach divorce facilitation in a holistic way, helping you find the services you need to get you and your family through the divorce as smoothly and healthfully as possible. To find a Divorce With Dignity facilitator near you, please visit dwdignity.com.
The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.
