July is National Child-Centred Divorce Month, which means it is the perfect time to delve into the ways in which you can protect and care for your child during the divorce process.
To begin with, of course, it’s important to challenge the idea that staying together for the sake of your kids is something that struggling couples should do. In fact, a recent study found that “82% of children would rather their parents were happy apart than unhappy together.” After all, staying in an unhappy marriage could mean that you’re exposing your child to frequent arguments, household tensions, and more – whereas a divorce would create a healthier environment for all involved.
With that in mind, here are some simple ways in which you can make divorce easier for your children.
Tell them what is happening.
Talking to your children about your upcoming divorce means that they are not left in the dark or overwhelmed when they begin to notice changes at home. By discussing the situation with them, they will have a clearer understanding of what is happening and be better equipped to handle the upcoming weeks and months.
When speaking about divorce with your children, you should:
- Use simple, straightforward terms.
- Give them time to ask questions.
- Let them know of any changes that are happening ahead of time.
- Provide them with access to resources (books on divorce, etc).
Don’t argue in front of your children.
A lot of negative emotions can be brought up during the divorce process, which could mean that you find yourself arguing with your spouse with increasing frequency. While you should always try to remain calm and respectful, if you’re having difficult conversations – you must ensure they do not happen in front of your children. It’s not advisable to expose your child to arguments as it could cause them to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious. Instead, it’s best to bring up difficult topics when meeting with a divorce mediator or when both parents are alone.
Don’t encourage them to pick sides.
Encouraging your children to ‘pick sides’ during the divorce process can leave your children in a difficult position. After all, they will likely be worried about disappointing either parent, making it hard for them to figure out where they stand. As a result, you mustn’t play the blame game in front of your kids or ask them to pick a side. Any conversations that delve into the intricacies of your divorce are not conversations your children need to be a part of.
Opt for a peaceful divorce.
Working to part ways with your partner peacefully and respectfully will make the process easier for everyone involved – children included. This is because they will not see their parents “going after” each other in court, but rather working amicably to build a better future for the entire family unit. This is a great example to set for young people and could change how they navigate their relationships in the future.
Furthermore, peaceful divorces often take less time. This means you can work to make the transition as smooth as possible for your children, making it easier for them to adapt to the changes that come with their parent’s divorce.
Show them that you’re still a family.
Opting for a peaceful divorce means you and your partner can still spend time together as long as you feel comfortable. As a result, this means that you can continue to spend time together as a family – whether you’re going for a day out or attending a gathering this family reunion month.
This is a great way to show your children that white your family dynamics are changing, the things that really matter – such as the love you share for your children – will not change in the slightest.
Get in touch today.
If you’re about to go through a divorce and want to ensure that your child’s best interests are protected, reach out to a DWD provider today. Many of our talented providers are parents and divorcees, meaning we understand your unique situation and are on hand to help every step of the way.
