I bet you don’t feel very good. Do you feel like a failure? Are you unhappy? Are you sad? Are you feeling frustrated? Are you feeling helpless? Are you feeling like you don’t know what to do? Well, I know you’re feeling all these things and more.
These are all very natural feelings considering what you’re thinking about. Allow your feelings in; don’t try to run away from them. One of my mentors says that we have to stand in the “muck” before we can move forward. I know it feels just terrible and you really don’t want to be here. And you probably won’t be able to hear much of what I, or others, have to say, other than the negatives right now, because that’s where you’re at. However, I’m going to try to say a few things and maybe one of them will help you.
You may not think you will this, but you will get through it. You have survived many other bad things and this is no exception. It will be life changing and you’re probably very scared about what your “new life” is going to look like. When I left my children’s father, we had very little furniture and used our coffee table for our dining room table— I insisted that the three of us continue to have our family meals together, sitting on the floor eating off that table—we were a team and we were going to make it through this ordeal. That’s all I knew and I just kept on trying to find normalcy and develop as much of a routine as I could with my two children and our few possessions.
Well, it’s now many years later and my two children are adults and each very happy with their lives. They are in successful love relationships, have lots of material possessions and love LIFE! I do, too, so I just want to let you know that you will see your life change and you will grow into the new PERSON and find the real you through all of this!! If you don’t, you may stay a victim and resent your spouse and your life. Which would you rather have: a satisfying, happy, fulfilled life, or a life of disappointments, anger and frustration? Not much of a choice, but it is your choice right now.
So even though you are currently miserable; everything changes and you will too. Feel your unhappiness and when you’re ready, take a step; then another step and another, and you’ll eventually find yourself exploring new opportunities and even new love relationships. You’ll also find yourself getting more in touch with YOU—we can’t love anyone until we learn to love ourselves first. Because how can we express love, if we can’t feel it ourselves? This has certainly been a life lesson for me, and each minute, each day, each year, it just becomes so much clearer how I have changed and how I now truly love and respect myself.
So take a deep breathe, have a good cry and then take one little baby step to do something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good. Just one little thing.
The author of this blog is not an attorney or a therapist and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal or medical advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions, and please see a therapist to help you with your transition.
