This weekend, many U.S. Americans will be celebrating the 245th anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. We’ll be surrounded by neighbors, friends, family, nervous pets, and possibly fireworks. On the day, we’ll spend some time thinking back and about what freedom means to us and why it’s so important (or, we’ll just pound a lot of barbecued foods and salad creations and enjoy the various freedoms we have). It has been a long-time coming that we are able to gather together and celebrate one of the most important rights we have — freedom.
What happens, though, when we don’t have freedom — right in our very own home? What if our every word, movement, action, decision, and thought revolves around just trying to keep the peace and avoid a conflictual situation?
What if…
- We’re paralyzed by fear?
- We feel like we can’t do anything (or anything right)?
- We can’t have a full life because of spousal jealousy issues?
- We can’t trust because we’ve been scorned by our spouse?
- We can’t get beyond resentment and anger?
In his very influential pamphlet, Common Sense (published in early 1776), Thomas Paine wrote, “We have it in our power to begin the world over again.”
So, if we were able to break free and begin again on this massive scale (as we did in this country), why can’t we break free and begin again with our individual life?
There are many ways people break free, begin again, and experience freedom and a renewed sense of independence once they end their marriage. For some, it’s goes so far as a physical freedom from an abusive situation.
I, like so many others, was stuck in an abusive marriage. And even though my husband at the time and I had separated, it wasn’t until our divorce was finalized and there was some distance between us that I was able to actually breathe again.
You see. When you are in an abusive marriage/relationship, it is hard to see your life outside of that relationship. Everything is about your partner. I was crippled with neediness, love for him, and FEAR.
That all changed when I found freedom after divorce.
Amoya Shante, How I Found Freedom In Divorce
For others, freedom comes simply in the acceptance of the experience that a so-called “failed relationship” offered.
I love this quote from an article I happened upon:
Freedom comes in many forms – the freedom of our country, freedom from a job you hate, freedom from old thoughts, freedom from toxic people.
This fourth of July, I’m giving myself the freedom to move forward and take care of myself first and I am going to celebrate and embrace it.
I’m returning to the me that was buried for so long. The person who loves to offer beautifully wrapped gifts to those who are willing to receive them; the person who doesn’t waste their gifts on those who don’t see them – or me – as valuable to their lives.
And let me tell you – that is a freeing feeling.
So, on the day, July 4th, declare your independence, in whatever way that is necessary for you. Independence (or freedom) from relational distrust, doubts, blame, resentment, pain and suffering, victimhood, feelings of failure, guilt, shame, engaging in conflict, abuse (mental and/or physical), mutual isolation, and maybe even (if you need to) — your entire marriage.
Choose, instead, happiness and health, peace, harmony, courage, confidence, forgiveness, relief, and pride.
“Freedom to learn, live, and love.”
You can even get a divorce tattoo to celebrate, if you feel so inclined…
And remember, things don’t need to get really ugly in divorce. For most couples, divorce agreements can be reached in a way that allows everyone involved to feel a sense of freedom from all of the things that were holding them back and a peaceful and safe way out. If you are in fear for your safety and cannot break out of an abusive relationship, you can contact support resources, such as the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.
Divorce With Dignity helps clients move forward in a positive way. We help ease the difficult burden of preparing and filing divorce papers. We also offer holistic divorce support; we can recommend trusted and experienced family attorneys, therapists and mediators to ensure that our clients have the best resources possible to establish an amicable co-parenting relationship. Issues like conflict resolution, alimony, custody and child support can be addressed within a peaceful and collaborative environment.
For more information on how we can help, please get in touch with a Divorce With Dignity professional near you to schedule a complimentary consultation.
The author of this blog is not an attorney or financial advisor and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal or financial advice. Please do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney or financial advisor if you have any legal or financial questions. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns about the content of this post, we’d love to hear from you. Please send us a message at info@dwdignity.com.
