Divorce And Money: Getting A Fresh Start

One of the benefits we offer at Divorce With Dignity is unlimited referrals to services that our clients may need to help them through various aspects of their divorce. Besides the financial issues of deciding who gets what, money problems often arise around dealing with the change in income that occurs after the divorce. To help people make a fresh start in money matters, we often refer them to a financial coach. We asked one of our referral coaches, Resa Shore (www.yourmoneyhealth.com), to give us some insight on issues of divorce and money.

Resa, what financial issues do you often see arise when a couple is divorcing?

Obviously the primary problem is that the division of finances usually creates less for everybody. In these circumstances, people tend to go into denial and have either a lack of awareness about or are unable to get real clarity around the reality of their financial situation. If they can overcome this, it will allow them to see the problems and to make necessary changes.

How can a financial counselor help?

A financial coach/counselor can help the individual get real clarity around their finances. This is critical, as most people don’t have a real handle on their expenses or income. A coach can help clients look at underlying beliefs that drive their financial behavior. In a divorce, there are some fears that are very real, such as not having enough money to live on. But there are also some fears that are based on beliefs that are not necessarily true. For example, women are often given the message that they are not good with money, or that men will take care of them. So, they will often function this way, even though in reality they are quite capable of taking care of themselves. A financial coach can help them explore these unfounded beliefs, and can help them create strategies to correct imbalances.

How can emotions affect money issues?

It is critically important, and very difficult for people to do on their own, to think back to messages that were given to you in your life, and figure out how they are affecting your relationship to money today. A typical example would be a woman who grew up in a fairly wealthy environment and married someone who was also financially well-off. She never had to worry about money, and when she got divorced, she still had the belief that money will always be there. So she continued to shop and buy what she wanted, and was getting herself into increasing debt until she was able explore her underlying attitudes. Once she did this, she was able to change her belief and get out of debt.

What advice do you have for the newly-divorced who are starting a new life with perhaps less money than they had when they were married?

First and foremost – get clarity about how much you really need and how much money will be coming in. Get clear on the difference between needs and wants. It’s easy to be in denial about this and get paralyzed. If you get stuck thinking “this is the way it was” or “this is the way it should be”, you will have problems. You need to be very open to being creative about fulfilling your financial needs. Some of the changes you have to make will put you into some level of discomfort. But don’t be afraid of this, as it will help you grow.

At Divorce With Dignity, we take a holistic approach to divorce, and understand that people often need services in addition to the divorce legal services we provide. Let us help you get through your divorce in a way that is tailored to your unique situation – with dignity! Contact us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com to find out how we can help.