Introduction: The Custody Crossroads
When Kentucky passed the nation’s first law making 50/50 equal custody the legal default, it made national headlines. On paper, the idea looked like progress: equal parenting, equal time, equal rights. For many, it symbolized long-awaited fairness.
But for countless families — especially survivors of abuse or children struggling to feel stable — the new law feels less like equality and more like a dangerous oversimplification.
Custody is never just a number on a timesheet. It is the framework of a child’s daily life. At Divorce With Dignity, we believe that fairness cannot come at the cost of safety, stability, or dignity.
Why Custody Presumptions Matter
In every custody case, courts and mediators need a starting point. A presumption, like Kentucky’s 50/50 law, sets that tone. The problem is, what’s presumed often becomes what’s pressured.
Parents who might otherwise advocate for safety or stability may feel forced to accept “equal” time even when it doesn’t serve their child. A presumption doesn’t just set expectations — it sets momentum, and families can feel trapped inside it.
The Promise of Equality
There are reasons shared custody has appeal.
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Many parents want parity and see 50/50 as a safeguard against bias.
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Advocates point to research suggesting children benefit from strong involvement with both parents.
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The idea looks simple compared to the complexity of individualized planning.
For families where both parents are safe, stable, and cooperative, equal parenting time can work beautifully. It can strengthen bonds and give children access to the best of both worlds.
But reality is more complicated than a formula.
The Problem With Presumptions
Blanket rules often erase real risks.
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Survivors of domestic violence face the burden of proving why equal time is unsafe.
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Parents who carried the bulk of caregiving may see their role diminished.
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Children’s needs — school stability, therapy schedules, medical care — can be overshadowed by the push for “equal.”
One mother on Reddit wrote about being pressured into a 50/50 arrangement with her abusive ex:
“I had to prove why my ex shouldn’t have equal time. Instead of starting with safety, I had to start with equality. It felt backwards.”
When the system begins with a rigid assumption, it risks silencing the very voices — children’s and survivors’ — that deserve to be heard first.
Through a Child’s Eyes
Adults talk about fairness in terms of parental rights. Children feel fairness in terms of belonging and stability.
Imagine a ten-year-old switching homes every week. Their backpack holds schoolbooks, soccer cleats, a toothbrush, and their favorite stuffed animal. Homework gets lost in the shuffle. Birthday parties conflict with handoff days. They fall asleep in one bedroom and wake up in another, repeating the cycle endlessly.
Some children adjust. Many do not.
A teenager wrote online:
“I don’t feel like I have a home. I have two houses, but neither one feels like mine. I live out of bags.”
For many kids, stability matters more than symmetry. Sometimes that means a primary residence with extended visits at the other parent’s home. Sometimes it means creative solutions like nesting, where children stay in one home and parents rotate.
The real question isn’t “Is this fair to both parents?” but “Does this give the child a sense of safety and stability?”
Moving Beyond One-Size-Fits-All
Custody arrangements should be crafted, not copied.
The factors that deserve weight include:
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Safety: Has there been domestic violence or coercive control?
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Age and Development: Younger children need consistency; teens may want flexibility.
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Geography: Long drives between homes can add stress.
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Work Schedules and Caregiving History: Who has been the day-to-day caregiver?
Mediation creates space for families to step outside rigid presumptions and design plans that reflect real life. Every family is different. Custody should be, too.
Why Dignity Matters
Divorce is never easy, but custody decisions shape the emotional and practical lives of children for years to come. When dignity is prioritized, children are spared unnecessary stress, survivors are protected, and parents can move forward with peace of mind.
Default 50/50 laws may look like progress, but dignity requires more than fairness on paper. It requires child-focused, safety-centered solutions in practice.
Conclusion: Beyond Presumptions
The custody debate isn’t about choosing sides between mothers and fathers. It’s about choosing safety and stability for children, and dignity for families navigating change.
Default laws may set the tone, but they don’t have to define your future. With thoughtful mediation, parents can create custody plans that truly serve their children — not just a system’s shortcuts.
At the end of the day, dignity means this: your child has a home base, your voice is heard, and your safety is never compromised.
You don’t have to accept a one-size-fits-all custody plan. Let us help you create a parenting agreement that protects your child’s stability, prioritizes safety, and honors dignity for everyone involved.”
