“Divorcing with dignity” may seem like an impossible challenge for some divorcing couples, but if both parties are willing set aside negative emotions and blame, and move forward to work things out cooperatively and fairly, the results will be well worth it – both for them and for their children. Heidi and Seal seem to understand and embrace this concept.

On January 22 they made the announcement, “While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul searching we have decided to separate.” They state that they still have deep respect and love for one another, but they have grown apart.

“This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.”

Refreshingly, they are not bashing or trashing each other in the media as many famous divorcing couples do. On the contrary – Seal recently appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show and told viewers that Heidi is the “most wonderful woman in the world” and that they intend to “remain civil and do this thing with dignity”. An amicable divorce not only shows love and respect for each other, it also shows concern for their four children.

Even if a divorcing couple is not able to feel a great deal of love and admiration for each other, they can still remain civil and strive for a relatively peaceful divorce. Going through an ugly and bitter litigated divorce would clearly not bring peace to the process. A better way is to avoid divorce court and work out a divorce settlement with a divorce support specialist or a mediator. At Divorce With Dignity (findaprovider.dwdignity.com), we offer a safe place to talk about your divorce, help in identifying points of agreement and disagreement, guidance through the divorce maze, and unlimited referrals to specialized support to help you through the various phases of the process. We give you the information you need to make the decisions that will help you get through this difficult time and build your new life.

Weighing the advantages of a mediated divorce compared to a litigated divorce may convince both parties that it is worth the effort. Some of our previous blog postings have described these advantages in detail, but here’s a short summary –

• Less expensive
• Faster
• You have more control
• The agreement can be more flexible
• Less likely to need settlement modifications
• More confidentiality
• Less stressful
• Easier on children

If you have made the decision to divorce, and want to make it as peaceful a process as possible, Divorce With Dignity can help. Visit us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com to find a Divorce With Dignity provider in your area. Let us help you achieve a peaceful divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

Many people who have made the decision to divorce make the mistake of immediately hiring a divorce lawyer and having papers served on their spouse to begin court proceedings. I’m sure most of them think this is just how it’s done. But there are much better options.

Before doing anything else, you need to get information and come up with a divorce plan. Try to find a divorce planning and facilitation service (like Divorce With Dignity – www.dwdignity.com) that can provide the information you need to make the best decisions.  We offer you a safe, neutral place to talk about divorce and help you plan yours to create your optimal future and get through the divorce process with the least amount of stress possible.

Every divorce is unique, so we work with you to find the best solutions for your particular situation. We can help you figure out –

• How the legal system works in your state
• The amount of money you’ll need to get a divorce and maintain a decent standard of living after the divorce
• The issues you and your spouse might agree on, the issues you are not in agreement on, and the best way to come to an agreement on the matters of contention
• Resources you may need to help you and your family through the divorce process and its effects
• How to make your divorce as peaceful as possible

We’ll guide you through the divorce maze, coach you on how to communicate with divorce attorneys, mediators, etc., and provide unlimited referrals based on your needs. We can help you prepare and file the necessary legal documents, and show you how to get your divorce without going through litigation. Choosing alternative methods of conflict resolution (if both parties are willing) will reduce the time, expense, stress, and animosity associated with a litigated divorce.

Most of us in the Divorce With Dignity Network have been through a divorce ourselves, so we know what you’re going through and empathize with your needs. We’ve helped scores of people to obtain fast and easy divorces without all the costly court battles and bitter disputes. Our mission is to help you plan and achieve a divorce that is fair and affordable, and to make sure you and your children get all the help you deserve to make it through this difficult time in a way that maintains your self-respect and dignity.

Contact us today (findaprovider.dwdignity.com) and speak with a Divorce With Dignity provider about how we can help you get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

One of the best things you can do for your children, both during the divorce process and after the divorce, is to tell them what they need to know to reduce the worry, and provide stability in their lives to reduce stress and anxiety.

Stability During the Divorce Process

Breaking the news about the divorce to your children will not be easy, but the sooner you tell them the more time they will have to adjust and to talk things over with you as their questions arise. If possible, try to have both parents present for the initial discussion and make it as peaceful as possible – leave feelings of anger, blame, or resentment out of this conversation. If this feels difficult, a Divorce With Dignity provider (www.findaprovider.dwdignity.com) can work with you to find a way to achieve a peaceful framework with your spouse through the divorce.

Focus on giving the children the information they need to feel reassured and secure. Be sure they understand that it is not their fault. Let them know they still have a family and will still be taken care of. Tell them that both of you will always love them.

Talk to them about the things that will be changing, and just as important, the things that will remain the same. Give them answers to questions and worries they may have, keeping in mind that this will be an ongoing process throughout the divorce.

Sometimes children will not always articulate what is worrying them, so the more you can anticipate and address what their concerns might be, the better. Some of these may be:

• Where will each parent live?
• Who will I live with?
• When will I get to spend time with the other parent?
• Will I still get to see other family members (uncles, aunts, grandparents)?
• How will we celebrate birthdays and holidays?  Will we be together?
• Will I move?  Change schools?
• Will I still see my friends?
• Do I still get to do my normal activities, such as soccer, summer camp, dance lessons, etc.?

Children of divorcing parents might also worry that they will have to “take sides” and choose one parent over the other. It is very important to assure them that this is not the case.

In addition to answering questions and addressing worries, you can create stability for your children by keeping a consistent routine and structure for them. This provides comfort and will help them adjust to the changes that are occurring around them. Having familiar day-to-day activities helps children know what to expect, putting them more at ease.

Stability After the Divorce Process

Naturally, the process of providing stability for children continues after the divorce and is ongoing. Studies have shown that children who live in stable family situations after a divorce do much better than those who don’t, and fare almost as well as children whose parents are not divorced.  Stability includes supporting your children’s desires to love and maintain a relationship with both parents. It also involves cultivating peaceful interactions with your ex-spouse, especially in the presence of your children.

To achieve this, be sure to get the support you need to recover from your divorce. A Divorce With Dignity provider can help you find the resources you need. To find a provider near you, please visit findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

Let us help you through your divorce with peace and dignity, while maintaining stability and security for your children.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

One of the organizations we partner with is Wings for Women, founded by Keiko Hsu who was inspired by her own transformation after her 26-year marriage and her 20+ year corporate career crumbled during the same year. Her mission is to inspire and enable women to live a joyful life after divorce … and attain new heights in their life, career, and relationships.

As a Life-After-Divorce Mentor and a certified Life Coach/Business Coach/Dream Coach, Keiko can help you get in touch with what brings you joy, develop a clear vision of the new life you want to create, and map out a way to get there. To assist you in your transition, she has developed the W.I.N.G.S. coaching process with the following components –

• W =  Wholeness
• I =  Inner Self
• N =  Navigate Barriers
• G =  Generate Your Personal Roadmap
• S =  Stay on Track

In addition to her personal coaching, you can take advantage of a free previous teleseminar (summary sheet and audio-recording available by email) called “3 Keys to Create New Relationships that Nurture Your Heart & Soul”. The seminar is targeted to career-focused women who are recently divorced or separated and who have been burying themselves in work. The aim is to help you focus on yourself for a change, and find out how to meet new people and “get a life!” Discover her top tips for being charismatic to attract, develop, and nurture your new relationships – and where to find them!

She also offers a Radiance Course for home-study entitled “Discover Your Inner Radiance … 10 Fast Action Steps to Attract What You Want and Live a Joyful Life After Divorce”.  Created to help you work at your own pace in the convenience of your home, the course aids you in reclaiming parts of your heart and soul that were lost during the divorce, letting go of past negative patterns, and developing your inner radiance to attract people who are right for you in this new phase of life.

At Divorce With Dignity, we are here to help you find whatever resources you need to help you through this difficult transition – before, during, and after divorce. To find a provider near you, visit us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com. And to find your “wings” so you can soar, learn more about Wings for Women by visiting our website (www.dwdignity.com), scrolling down to “Additional resources” at the bottom right corner of the page and clicking on “Wings for Women”.

Let us help you through all aspects of your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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He first heard about Divorce With Dignity from a friend who was himself going through a divorce.  That friend found out about us when he was trying to file his divorce papers in court on his own, and someone told him that Divorce With Dignity could help him with that.  So, based on his friend’s recommendation, Nathaniel contacted us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

He notes that his first meeting with us instantly put him at ease.  He felt “very comfortable and confident” and was attracted to the personal approach we offered.  He liked that we took time to really listen to him, and told us “the DWD process made it a lot easier to cope with divorce, knowing that you had someone that really cared about you and your situation”.  When asked if there was something in particular that made him feel comfortable with me,  as his divorce advisor, he responded that he felt that I understood what he was going through at that time.  “You comforted me in that process – it was a blessing.” The fact that working with us toward an amicable divorce also cost so much less than litigation in the courts was an added bonus.

The assistance we were able to provide him included understanding the divorce process.

He liked that I “explained lawyer terminology” in the letters he had received from his wife’s lawyer, and that I taught him how to respond to them. I was able to put him in touch with other services required by his particular situation, such as some legal counsel and financial counseling to help him come up with a financial plan for the divorce.

Would he recommend Divorce With Dignity to someone considering a divorce?  Without hesitation.  “What I received was more of a personal touch specific for my situation and what I was going through – I was pretty stressed out”. By listening to his concerns and asking him questions that would help him think about what he wanted to say, we were able to help him put his thoughts into just the right words to achieve a good outcome.

“Cindy was just great, very encouraging…I had the confidence to call her at any time; she really made herself available”.

Let us help you get through your divorce – with dignity! To find a Divorce With Dignity provider in your area, visit our website at findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

Getting a divorce doesn’t have to cost you lots of time and money. Let us help you get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

1. Failing to talk with your spouse and explore options to proceed amicably towards a divorce. Nobody thinks divorce is easy, and everyone always hears the message that they shouldn’t talk to their spouse.  That’s completely the opposite message of what you should do.  Sometimes people want so badly to avoid having to talk through difficult issues in a marriage that they don’t first discuss their feelings with their spouse and what they want to happen in their divorce; they just get so mad, that they yell out they are going to file for divorce.  Take a big breath, calm down and find a safe place to talk to each other about proceeding with the process.
2. Starting the divorce process without understanding how it works. Do you know the different types of divorce (such as contested/uncontested, fault/no fault, etc.)?  Do you know what paperwork is required for your divorce?   Do you know if you and your spouse are in agreement on all the issues you’ll have to decide for your divorce?  First, find out how the legal process works so you can formulate the best strategy for you. If you live near a Divorce With Dignity office, you can talk with us about the divorce process and how it works in your state.  We can help you with your pre-divorce planning so you will be prepared for the ramifications of divorce, www.findaprovider.dwdignity.com.
3. Hiring a divorce lawyer before talking to your spouse about divorce. Before you jump in feet first and hire a divorce lawyer, talk to your spouse.  Talk about your intention to divorce and see how your spouse feels about it.  Discuss the different aspects entailed in a divorce settlement (such as child custody and visitation plans, living arrangements, property, finances) and find out what you already agree on and what needs to be worked out.
4. Not considering alternative ways to divorce besides litigation. Once you have discussed the issues involved in the divorce settlement, you can save lots of time, stress, and money by avoiding litigation, especially when you know the difficult issues that you may not agree upon.  There are alternative and more peaceful ways to divorce.  Depending on your issues, you may need someone to help you with the divorce papers, or perhaps you could benefit from a mediator.  These alternatives give you options besides the adversarial, stressful, and costly litigation method. At Divorce With Dignity, we can discuss these more peaceful options with you to help you determine which method is best for you, www.findaprovider.dwdignity.com.
5. Failing to analyze your financial situation and determining how you’ll be able to make ends meet. You will need to look at your proposed future living expenses for your life after divorce and figure out how you are going to be able to manage this new phase of your life. Of course, any of our offices can help you look at your situation and provide referrals if you need additional assistance, www.findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

In addition to walking you through many of the above decisions, a Divorce With Dignity provider can put you in touch with various other services you may need related to your divorce. Working with them can help you avoid many costly mistakes; costly not only in the financial sense, but also with respect to emotions and time. To find a provider, please visit our website – findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

Getting a divorce doesn’t have to cost you lots of time and money. Let us help you get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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Do you know how the divorce process works?  Do you know the different ways to get a divorce, some of which do not involve attorneys at all? Would you like to save money, perhaps a LOT of money, on the divorce process?

Some strategic planning can save you a lot of time and stress, in addition to saving you money. Seek out organizations that can assist you with two types of services (Divorce With Dignity offers both) – (1) planning and facilitation, and (2) legal document preparation and filing.

Planning & Facilitation

It would be wise to talk things over with a trained professional who specializes in family law before deciding your next steps. If you have a Divorce With Dignity office near you, one of our providers can help you with this, findaprovider.dwdignity.com.  Some of the ways we can assist you are:

• Provide a safe place to talk “divorce”
• Help you determine if you have explored all options for saving the marriage (if that is what you want)
• Educate you about the legal process and the different ways of obtaining a divorce, with an emphasis on making it as peaceful as possible
• Calculate guideline child support and spousal support, if appropriate
• Review your issues with you to determine which ones you and your spouse are in agreement on, and which may require mediation or legal advice
• Develop an informal plan of action
• Provide unlimited referrals to:  mediators, attorneys, counselors, or other services that you may require related to the divorce
• Coach you on how to work with a mediator and/or divorce lawyer

Take some time before rushing into anything, and get the help you need to figure out what will really be best for your situation.

Legal Document Preparation & Filing

If you have decided on a plan of action that does not include litigation, then you will need some help preparing and filing the divorce papers. A divorce support organization, like Divorce With Dignity, can help you with this.  Even if you have some experience with legal documents, trying to prepare and file your own divorce paperwork can be daunting and frustrating. Get some help with this, so you can focus on other things and not add to your stress at this difficult time.

Final Thoughts

Planning for divorce and getting the divorce papers properly filled out and filed in court are not easily done on your own. But rather than hiring a divorce lawyer as your first step, explore your options and do some planning with the help of a divorce support provider. Then if you do decide to hire a lawyer, you will be better prepared. But you may find that you will not need a lawyer after all.

Let us help you get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

1. DO make a prioritized list of what you want.
Like the Scouts motto, “Be Prepared”. Always go into a negotiation knowing what is most important to you, what you are willing to compromise on, and some ideas of what things you might trade for some other concessions by the other side.

2. DON’T be afraid to ask for what you want.
Sometimes people are reluctant to bring up an issue because they don’t think they will get what they want. By not raising the issue you will certainly not get it, so make sure you are explicit about what you want – and also what you don’t want. Be assertive, but not aggressive. That is, take care of your own interests while still maintaining respect for your spouse and what is important to him/her.

3. DON’T give anything away without getting something in return.
Making a concession without requiring the other side to reciprocate is self-defeating. It makes the other side feel entitled to it and they will want something more. But an even “trade” will leave both sides feeling that they got a fair deal.

4. DO show your spouse how their needs will be met.
Seek to understand the needs of your spouse – not necessarily their demands, but what they really need. Then, figure out a way to ensure those needs are met and communicate your ideas. When your spouse feels that you do understand them and truly want to achieve a result that will feel fair to both sides, he/she will be more willing to do the same for you.

5. DO listen to the other side.
We are often so intent on making sure our interests are heard that we forget to listen. By being attentive to what the other person is saying, both verbally and with their body language, you can learn things that will help you in the negotiations. Asking open-minded and open-ended questions (ones that can’t be answered simply by “yes” or “no”) will aid you in finding new options. Approach the negotiation as a problem both of you are working to solve together, and be willing to brain-storm solutions.

6. DON’T be in a hurry.
It is difficult for most of us to be patient, especially when we want to get something over with (like divorce negotiations). But if you rush through things, you are more likely to make mistakes or may miss an opportunity to find better solutions. Take the time to get it right, and you won’t regret it later on.

7. DO get it in writing.
Oral agreements are the first step, but the negotiations are not complete until the divorce settlement decisions are put into writing in detail. Memories can be faulty and having the written proof of what was agreed on enables you to avoid the bickering that can occur when there is disagreement about what was decided.

These tips can help you work out a divorce settlement that meets everyone’s needs. However, by starting with a Divorce with Dignity office, you will be able to understand the process, review your needs and figure out the best things to negotiate, as well as assistance with mediation if needed. You can find your nearest Divorce With Dignity provider by visiting www.findaproviderdwdignity.com.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

The term “amicable divorce” may seem like an oxymoron. When couples are at the point of deciding that divorce is their best option, they are unlikely to be feeling a lot of friendly goodwill toward each other. But if you can put your emotions aside and think of it as negotiating a treaty with tact and diplomacy, it might be easier to imagine. It is advantageous to everyone if the divorce settlement can be achieved in a polite and peaceful way.

It does not mean that you have to give in on issues important to you just to keep things friendly. It means working things out in a cooperative and fair manner so that you end up with an agreement that works for everyone. You avoid the costly, antagonistic, and painful litigation process, and you keep your dignity and integrity.

The reason you are divorcing is to end a marriage that was in conflict. Do you really want to prolong the conflict and pain by taking your spouse to court? An amicable divorce process allows you to plan for your future with mutually agreed upon decisions and get on with your life.

Some people want to use the divorce process as an instrument to hurt the other or to exact revenge. The problem with this is that the other side will respond in the same manner, leading to further escalation. Will this get you what you want?

Others may feel that going through a friendly divorce process will cause them to lose their position of strength in negotiations. They think having an aggressive divorce lawyer fighting for their interests only will get them a better settlement. But again, this will likely lead to an equally aggressive response from the other side. Who is really going to win in this scenario?

Divorce with Dignity is a network of divorce specialists committed to helping people achieve an amicable divorce with the least distress possible. They provide divorce advice and support by helping you learn about your options for a peaceful divorce that will focus on what is best for you and your family, and avoid the negative, adversarial aspects that are part of a litigated divorce.

Achieving an amicable divorce may not be easy, but it is definitely worth the effort.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

There are two ways this term is used.  It is a term for a legal process, but can also be used to indicate any method used to go through the divorce process without going to divorce court.

When referred to as a legal process, collaborative divorce (also called collaborative law or family law) is a method that involves each spouse hiring a specially trained collaborative attorney who advises and assists in your negotiating a divorce settlement agreement outside of court.  An important feature is that each attorney signs a pledge to withdraw if either party decides to go to court.  Since they would not benefit in any way if the negotiations fail, they have an extra incentive to work with their clients to find ways to negotiate conflict resolutions in a fair and cooperative way.

Collaborative divorce when used as a generic term refers to various ways a couple can get through an amicable divorce process working together without litigation with the support they need.  For example, some couples may be in agreement on all issues and just need help with preparing the divorce papers.  Others may be in agreement on most issues, but need some help working out the agreement for some specific disputes.

Whether collaborative divorce is referring to the specific legal process, or any method used to avoid litigation to accomplish a peaceful divorce, the basis for it is that all persons involved must be committed to working with and not against the other party.

Let’s look first at the specific legal process of collaborative divorce.

The Process

The collaborative legal process begins with the couple and their lawyers signing a contract (called the Participation Agreement) which spells out their commitments in the process and prohibits their lawyers from representing either one in any future litigation relating to family law.

Each spouse will meet separately with his/her attorney, and there will be meetings with all four persons present (spouses and attorneys). There may be times when other professionals will be called in as consultants to help the couple make informed decisions. Some examples are –

• Divorce coach – can help the participants clarify their needs and plan for the future
• Child custody specialist – can help the couple explore different options
• Child mental health specialist – can educate the parents about how divorce affects children and can present plans for parenting after the divorce
• Financial expert – can assist with such things as evaluating the worth of a business, giving options for dividing assets, and giving advice on how to ensure financial security for each spouse and the children
• Financial coach – when one spouse has been the sole money manager, a financial coach can educate the other spouse with information that will help them negotiate capably.

Just to be clear, the coaches are focused on the needs of one of the spouses so each spouse would hire their own, whereas the specialists/experts are neutral and can be shared by both parties.

If the collaborative efforts are successful and the couple can reach an agreement, a legally binding agreement is written and signed by both parties.  The papers are then filed in court for the approval and signature of a family court judge. No court trial is required.

If the negotiations are unsuccessful, then litigation may be necessary, but with different attorneys.

Advantages of a Collaborative Divorce

The team approach of a collaborative divorce results in a settlement based on compromise and fairness where each party has been able to voice their opinions and have more control over the decisions that will affect the lives of all family members.  It is less costly, faster, and produces far less stress and anxiety than a litigated divorce. It stabilizes the situation with a temporary agreement that lasts throughout the negotiations, and helps you move forward instead of focusing on blame and accusations.

If you have children, this is a better approach than antagonistic divorce proceedings in court because it causes much less stress for them, and sets an example for them of cooperation, fairness, and negotiated conflict resolution.

Who can benefit from this approach?

Collaborative divorce works well when the participants are committed to working out a solution that is fair for everyone, are willing to control their emotions, are interested in the well-being of the other spouse, and are willing to maintain a peaceful relationship after the divorce, particularly when children are involved.  However, it is usually quite expensive since each party has their own attorney and support team; it’s really good for very high-end couples who want to proceed through the process as amicably as possible.

When is it not appropriate?

The collaborative approach may not be feasible in cases that involve domestic abuse, drug or alcohol addition, or mental illness. It is also unsuitable if one (or both) of the spouses desires to hurt the other one emotionally, socially, or financially.

Divorce with Dignity’s approach to a collaborative divorce

Divorce with Dignity is a network of independent divorce support specialists who help people obtain an amicable divorce using alternative, cost-effective collaborative methods. The Divorce with Dignity specialist provides a safe place in which to discuss the complicated issues of divorce, and helps you sort out your options for negotiating a cooperative divorce that is as peaceful as possible. They also can suggest support services that may be appropriate for you and your family.

You have a choice in how you will accomplish your divorce.  Why not get through it with the least amount of pain and distress?

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions