Change And Transition In Divorce: Making It Work For You


Part of the Divorce With Dignity service is to offer our clients referrals to other professionals who can help them get through the difficulties of divorce and rebuild their lives. Today we are pleased to present a guest blog from Sue Kessner, MS, LPCC and Herb Kessner, PhD, who offer counseling, coaching, and workshops designed to guide participants through the phases of change and transition brought on by divorce.

Change and Transition

Divorce brings both change and transition to all parties involved. Change is what happens on the outside, or the external events, while transition is what we go through on the inside as these events unfold.
In order for the divorce process to go smoothly, with the least amount of discord possible, and with the parties emerging feeling whole, authentic and good about themselves, it’s essential to handle both change and transition at the same time.

Three Phases of Change/Transition

According to William Bridges, psychologist, in his book Transitions, there are Three Phases to the external change process and accompanying internal transition and feelings.

  1. The first phase is characterized by letting go of the old situation, along with self-recrimination, “if only’s” and other accompanying thoughts. It starts with an Ending, like the end of a marriage. It involves the grieving process, along with stages of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression.
  2. Before people can get to the new beginning, they have to go through the uncomfortable process of not knowing how it will all turn out, which is called the Neutral Zone. During this phase, it’s very important not to jump directly into a new and possibly problematic relationship as a result of not wanting to feel this discomfort. The Neutral Zone is a fertile, creative period, where you get to discover who you really are and what you really want, and learn what you can and can’t control. It shouldn’t be circumvented. Only by successfully going through the creative process of the Neutral Zone can you arrive at your new beginning, feeling whole, optimistic, and ready for what’s next.
  3. The New Beginning seems at first glance to be not a problem. It represents an exciting new life, a new direction, perhaps even a new relationship. However, it’s not without its challenges. It might not be happening according to your time table; you may find yourself going down blind alleys, or slipping back into old familiar, unsuccessful patterns.

The Authentic Change Group helps clients successfully navigate all three phases by:

  • Dealing with underlying feelings and patterns, so that they are not repeated.
  • Finding concrete strategies and suggestions to take advantage of opportunities within your control, and to avoid those frustrating situations beyond your control. In effect, how to walk away from people and situations that take away from your happiness.
  • Beginning to shape a new life through career counseling, coaching, testing and assessment, and deeper therapy.

We offer workshops, groups, and individual coaching and therapy to help people get reestablished in a way they’re going to love.

Our next workshop:

Date: Saturday, September 12, 2015
Time: 10am – 4pm
Place: Our office at 1036 Sir Francis Drake Boulevard, Suite 201, Kentfield, CA
To register: Call 415-596-4492

And be sure to check out our websites: /

Divorce With Dignity takes a holistic approach to divorce. While we can assist you with navigating the divorce maze, working out a negotiated divorce agreement, filling out the paperwork, and filing the divorce papers with the courts, we recognize that there are other elements to achieving a peaceful divorce.

Getting through the many details and changes brought on by divorce and recreating new lives may require help from other types of professionals, such as therapists, mediators, attorneys for consultations, real estate agents, and facilitators of support groups. We offer our clients referrals to whichever types of additional help they may need. Our goal is to make sure you have the support you need available to you. To learn more about our philosophy and services, please visit our website.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions.

Posted in Divorce Support, Emotional Effects of Divorce and tagged , .

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