How Long Does It Take to Heal After a Divorce?

woman looking wistful

Depends on the process you use to go through your divorce.  If you have an attorney, it may take years to heal.   My divorce happened about 30 years ago when my children were 7 and 10 years old.  My ex and I each had attorneys and we fought it out in court.  Not just once, buy many times, which is typical.

And we suffered and our children suffered for years because we were so mad at each other.

Just recently, we were together at our daughter’s wedding and how different it was.  It was almost magical; like we were to same two people we were when we first met.  How weird is that?  But now that we no longer depend on each other and each have fulfilling lives and our children are doing well, it’s okay to be friends—we once had a great love for each other and that love just doesn’t disappear.  In fact, I think we just bury it under all the anger and hospitality.  How awful, really, that it took us both so long to be able to face each other with love, kindness, respect and happiness—to be the people we once were when we met and fell in love.  To let the walls down and be friends—we shared so much and we produced wonderful children; why should we not still love and respect each other?

It is such a shame that just because you cannot live with someone under the “legal” rules of marriage, that a divorce has to take you on such a roller coaster ride.  And I really don’t think that it has to be that way.  Now that I’ve made it my life purpose to help people receive a divorce without litigation, I have seen many couples go through their transition and come out as “friends,” “partners” and “good parents.”  Rather than stroke each other’s anger which the litigious system in the courts encourage, these couples were able to deal with the major issues and get lots of support and help with their emotional issues, so that they could walk down the divorce path with dignity, and help each other and their families start over peacefully.

Divorce is very painful, but don’t think that the court system is going to help you soften the blow and ease your pain—it’s going to do just the opposite.  It’s an adversarial system, so you’ll be at war with each other.  Hold on to your pride and respect, and get the support you need to help you achieve a divorce that’s as peaceful and  without litigation as possible.  You will then start your New Beginning with respect for yourself and help your family move forward and not stay stuck in the past.  Life goes pretty quickly, so I know I want to do everything I can to enjoy my life and find peace and contentment.

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